Listen. There are so many fucking people in the world. Eventually, as you get older and older and older, the disparate categorizations of humanity seem to congeal into a single giant mass of indistinguishable people. I don't know how it is for you, but the world does this to me, it effaces its own beauty with legions of people who can't spell, who think they are naturally the most desirable person in the world, people who are waiting for people to appear in their lives to save them from their own drears, people who have little more than 4 lines of text to devote to their entire person. These people fundamentally lack the ability to make themselves any different from anyone else because all they ever had to judge their lives by were values and metersticks tacitly agreed upon by everyone else.

But then there are people who sound like they know themselves, gnostics who see what is true and beautiful about life. Life is not about horseback riding. Life is not about camping and 'outdoor activities'. Life is not about being the depressingly generic ideal guy of girls with nothing more in life to desire. Life is about confronting the eternal and limitless bodies of water. And, God knowing, if life is to be anything at all, life is certainly about making love in dark places.

But who am I to say anything about life. My only qualification is a self-consciousness that encompasses even the motives behind saying anything to another human being at all. I mean, if we weren't human, we wouldn't even bother. But I am fucking human. Sometimes I am a fucking retard jackass who only realizes the immediate experiences of existence. But sometimes, the ability to distinguish is needed, and I mean in every sense, every function of the human brain, sometimes I feel things that I only wish I could put down in words so I could share them.

I do not believe people who say that they are different from other people. I believe that all people are fundamentally similar. But I believe that the differential expressions of our human nature are what make us unique. It is not the arbitrary preferences or random experiences. What makes us a person is what we most strongly feel that makes us tear and shred inside in terrible passion because that is the only moment when it matters that we are alive. I mean that I want someone who appreciates the more important things.

I don't really think that you'd like me. I hope you would. But I have not destroyed many things at all. Other than my inability to grudge the world even a single platitude, I am a somewhat boring person. I mean, when you are alone, all you are really doing is passing the time, right? So let us say that for 85% of the time, I am a boring, normal person who wants little more than to be fed and amused. Maybe we could watch tv together then.

But in the other 15%, I go crazy. I can't stand life, being alone in the late hours before I go to sleep. It's like, if we were living a satisfying life, then maybe we would know it, we could feel it, and we could go to sleep happy. But I can't sleep. I stay up late out of spite. I can't end the day without something to validate it, without something to know I have been real recently. But I don't go to the beach alone. And rather than destroy anything, all I have done is create words and words all trying to explain the things I am trying to explain to you.

But really, I'm a sane, excessively self-aware person. I just really want someone to do things with. Because, you have to know this, I know you know this, because it's not the same alone. What I feel most, what I want most in this earthly life, is someone to be with. But not a normal person. Not someone who is dull and unimaginative. I need someone who is as mad as I am, who can't stand any lesser life. I want someone who is that much closer to the sublime like the good kind of French bread that crackles when you press it. In the same way, anyone who can talk about themselves like you do MUST be as cute as you say you are. Girls who know things about themselves are as cute as they are rare.

But maybe you're not as crazy about life as I hope you are. And maybe I just seem hella wordy. But so few girls want as much out of life as you do that I just have to try. I don't try this hard often But I think that you are special and that you are to be appreciated. So I just have to hope that you want the same sublime experience of life, the same perfect chaos like breaking down the world to renew reality with you at the center, and I just have to hope that we can have something like that together.

I'm not very impressive. For some reason I suspect you're probably amazing. But please, answer this email anyways?